I have been noticing that I’ve been consumed by work. It distracts me from my misery. Avoiding the obvious. I got a nice jolt when someone questioned what I was doing, like I am not doing any work. I was offended. When people get offended there is truth to the matter. I have been disengaged, work did not bring me joy, but I do think that I delivered what I needed to.
I broke up with my… situationship. When I showed her true emotion, she listed all the things that I’m not doing: not writing her a personal birthday card (it was impersonal but good advice), not inviting her to events, not telling my ex about her while she told her parents about me. “I do not see a future”. I felt numb when I said it. I could have swallowed it down, but I was too tired of pretending. Maybe I’m tired because I need to pretend so much.
I am kinda miserable in my job, I think. I am afraid to express myself for fear of repercussions. The promotions are cool, I am rising the ranks. Yet, I feel hollow. My personal life is in shambles. I’m avoiding that.
But something is stirring, moving. We will see.